Special Needs and Homeschooling?

The start of the school year is very nearly upon us. I can hardly believe where the summer has gone. I know that we have a few weeks left here in the states, but still, its been too short! I love my boys and I love staying at home with them in the summer.

I have three boys: 7, 6, and 3 (he's a mess...but that's a different story!). My seven year old and my three year old are special needs children as well. My husband and I have our hands blessedly full! Our seven year old has moderate Asperger's Syndrome and Sensory Processing Dysfunction (or SPD). Asperger's is a functioning form of autism in the autism spectrum family. Our little one, was born at 31 weeks gestation, and we knew that we would be facing a lot of special needs with him. While still too young to officially diagnose, we suspect strongly that he has SPD and severe ADHD. Ok, that paragraph has officially made me tired now...

I get asked and challenged alot on my very strong and somewhat offensive stance on the illegalization of homeschooling. Hey, its still (I think...) a free country and its my opinion. I guess I have been fed, crammed, stuffed with the other viewpoint for my whole life so this viewpoint was a bit more...welcoming? Whatever the case, its mine and I am sticking to it. It may surprise you to know that my dearest, bestest friend, my wonderful husband, disagrees with me. That's OK. We have fun arguments where he challenges me on my thinking on this issue. He thinks he will someday pin me on an indefensible point. (I got news for him- he won't!)

One of the biggest things I get here on blog land, and believe me its nothing new to my ears, is "What about those children who have special needs like autism? What if they get bullied? etc."

Its a valid question. Its one that my husband and I face DAILY. So God has given me the first hand experience that you lack. So sue me! My answer still remains the same and unchanged: Yes, its better for your child to be in a structured environment than stuck at home with mom and live in bubble land for the rest of their life. Hope that wasn't TOO off-putting y'all!

Special needs kiddos have a soft spot in my heart. I am a mother to two. They are my flesh and blood. And when we adopt sometime in the next year or so, those children will probably have special needs as well. Its what God has for us. I thought that with my oldest son's diagnosis that the thing to do was to home school him. Shocked? You should be! I actually tried to home school him for the first half of his kindergarten year, until my husband came home right before Thanksgiving and saw that his wife looked like she walked out of a nuclear war-zone, his sons were still in their underwear, and the kitchen looked like...well. We won't go there.

Truth is I was scared. Sceeerrd out of my little pea-pickin mind! I didn't want to put my baby in an environment that was so foreign to me. I was trained to loathe it. It was the very pit of hell! It was leading your children into devastation, destruction, illiteracy, doom, doom, gloom. They sit at desks all day. They never move. The teachers have taken away recess.

Yet I knew I couldn't home school him. Truthfully I faced the painful and obvious: I was failing my son. I was failing him! I believe it was God, letting my husband and I go down that path for a short while, just so that I could SAY, "Hey, I have been there and done that. Myself." Once my husband and I decided to tour our local public school I was blown away. Literally. The children were quiet. The teachers were kind. The classrooms had sunshine, even in November. For the little grades, there were no desks. Tables, sofas (surprise!), chairs, all arranged with comfort and learning in mind. Each classroom had zones...library, crafts, seat work, etc. Gliders and rugs were in every room for circle time. What got me was the amount of resources that these teachers had at their fingertips. Resources that I didn't have access to, resources that my son needed, resources that my money could not buy.

I knew, because our baby was getting therapy for his prematurity in our home, that Noah needed therapy as well. Because I was homeschooled and sheltered I knew nothing of the kinds of services/therapies that my son needed. I thought he was just strong willed and difficult rather than actually having a "special need." It never dawned on us that the way we were parenting him was the opposite of what he really needed UNTIL we put him in school. Suddenly God took a grip on me and showed me what my son needed: a humble momma and daddy who were willing to admit that they didn't have all the answers and that they needed help sometimes. He needed that therapy. Those centers in kindergarten where he could play with beans, rice, salt, flour to his little hearts content helped him to grow. His teacher LOVED him. Did you catch that y'all? LOVED him. Two years and counting and they want nothing but the best for him!

Our school tolerates bullying on no level. The kids accept him. Granted he is in a class-within-a-class (which is SPED) but its what he needs. I believe he will be out of it soon, and honestly he doesn't have social problems. He thrives on STRUCTURE. I wasn't able to give him the strict structure he needed because where we live is a home. It doesn't operate that way. But the rest of the world does. This has been good for him. He has a team of therapists who help him with his pragmatic speech delays and his sensory needs. Autistic kids have a lot of social anxiety. Research has proven that kids with Autism/Asperger's do best when forced into new social environments, otherwise, research has also proven that if they are not, they grow up to be that strange Uncle that everyone feels weird around. We see that with our son. And its good for him because it makes him stronger and helps him to grow and become more and more normalized in the way that he approaches and relates to the world around him.

So bottom line is: I speak from personal experience. Nothing I say in this blog has nothing to do what I think should be done about the problems with the Movement unless I myself have lived it first hand. I hate hypocrites and certainly don't want to be guilty of that.

And yes, I believe that homeschooling is the worst thing you can do for your special needs child. Even in situations where there is bullying going on repeatedly in a public school setting, there are Christian and private schools that are far better for your child than isolating them at home. And if you struggle to make ends meet, there are just as many private and Christian schools out there who provide scholarships and often full rides for families of little privilege. Homeschooling to me, should be a last resort when every single other option has failed and been exhausted.