Fundamentalist homeschoolers have a specialized form of fear, a fear of the paranormal. The founders of the homeschooling movement in the United States (that later sparked the International movement) were without a doubt fundamentalists and in most cases born-again believers. Their perceived need of having a private education accessible to all families, regardless of economic status, stemmed from their overt fear of our system of government. Libertarian at best, conspiracists more commonly, the founders consistently displayed and voiced grave concern over conspiracies that had become a part of our educational system. They often compared the NEA, Department of Education, School to Work, and other national educational policies to the most outrageous conspiracy theories that even the the KGB could not compete with. Their philosophy? That our freedom as Americans, who had the right to home school, were systematically being taken away by Big Brother. Their conspiracy theories led them to be paranoid over every facet of their lives.
Douglas Phillips, Mary Pride, Donna Hearne, Jim and Laura Rogers, Phil Lancaster, Cheryl Lindsey (who I might add, has since left The Movement), Kerry Messer, Marshall Foster, Daniel New, Richard "Little Bear" Wheeler, John Gatto, and countless others who had a direct influence on The Movement and its inception; all shared one thing in common: The Government was conspiring to take away their freedoms by inducing an over-arching accountability system over the innocent lives of homeschoolers (or more commonly referred to as "God's remnant" or "God's chosen people.").
This conspiracy theory was clearly communicated at every speaking engagement and in written form. It was a perceived threat that stemmed from the difficulty that was achieved at making homeschooling legal and recognizable as a legitimate form of education. For the sake of argument, I am not concerned with whether or not we do or do not feel that this is happening today in areas such as our country's finances, policies, etc. The harsh reality is that the lawmakers and social workers in the early years were simply responding to concerns that they had regarding the well-being of the children within these homes. It is a shame that once again, our lawmakers failed us (I am speaking as a child of The Movement here). We had rights, we had educational and social needs that our parents were simply not going to be able to meet with degrees of excellence in every category. Our lawmakers let us down, because our parents were their constituency. They were the ones who were willing to work to get them elected and they were the ones who could vote. Sadly, we mattered little and factored in little when these decisions and policies were made. So ultimately, through much head-butting and fears and concerns, the homeschoolers won the system over.
So even though our parents won, the fear of the conspiracies that they perceived lied in government and the broader world continued to permeate their thinking and parenting. Fear. Paranoia surrounded our world, but the irony is that there was so very little in our world that in reality, our parents should have even been afraid of.
It was the fear of the evil "influence." Unlike parents today, who have legitimate fears of strangers, sexual predators, online perpetrators, involvement in drugs or alcohol, etc. our parents fear was that an "agenda" would be broad casted on the television screen by the Public Broadcasting System or NBC. Music as well, if it had any rhythm that resembled anything close to the popular bands of the 1960's and 1970's, was something to fear. Scared of the "agenda" that would be promoted through Simon and Garfunkel's, "Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme" or John Lennon's "Imagine" or other songs of the era, our parents swiftly determined that the only allowable form of music was Classical Music or non-rap Christian music.
To allow certain playthings into the home would also contribute to your child's exposure to this "influence." We were raised to mistrust everyone who was different than us (and please understand I am referring to The Movement homeschoolers here). Mistrust and fear that social workers, teachers, doctors, even immediate family, were out to take you away from your parents and to report them.
Our world was so incredibly small. We were supposed to be raised in innocence and purity, but what it looked like was naivete' and the training of our minds to fear and mistrust those who were not part of The Movement.
"Perfect love casts out fear." Fear is debilitating and crippling. Not only does it rob you of the joy of the moment, it also casts an aura of shadow on everything that you do. This fear induced our parents into irrational behaviors like not using credit cards or allowing their children to receive social security numbers. I have known several families who refused to allow their child a social security number, and thus deprived them of a way to earn an income, because they were so paranoid of government "tracking." This made things interesting to be sure. Sign-ups for state militias, resources on where to get combat weapons and ammunition, survivalistic mantra and stock-piling strategies were common place both at support group meetings and conferences. This turned enough people off to begin their own groups and conferences, but these elements still exist.
When I was 17, my senior year, I came down with severe pneumonia. After weeks of laying around, coughing up blood, I had officially degenerated to a true invalid. I was left alone while my mother left me every day as she actively promoted The Movement. I even passed out on the bathroom floor on one of the occassions. I was utterly alone and The Movement had taken precedence over our entire family. I laid around, barely able to breathe for somewhere around 4-5 weeks. It was like a living hell.
The twist is that there was one particular distressing day that I had. My medical records have since indicated that I had developed ARDS at this time. This is 60% fatal. What I remember from that night is dreaming of heaven, and seeing the gates and Jesus standing there. Fading in and out of consciousness, I remember praying that Jesus would take me home to be with Him. I was unable to speak or talk. I was so scared to go to sleep that night. I fought and struggled to keep breathing that entire night. Because I was brain-washed so thoroughly by this point in my life, even at 17, the thought to even call 911 and ask for help never entered my mind as a possibility. In fact it never dawned on me until just late last year, when my counselor asked me if I had done that.
I desperately wanted to see a doctor. I knew that I was sick. Beyond sick, I was at death's unmerciful door and it was knocking. I was unable to voice this, it took all of my effort just to force enough oxygen into my lungs that I could survive. My mom did not, under any circumstances want to take me to be treated. My father, for the first time in my life, did the first and only thing that ever communicated to me that he I was even worth anything to him. He put his foot down and told my mom she had to take me. Begrudgingly I was loaded into the car, unable to stand, I needed considerable help just to be moved from the house to the car. My mom's "rationale" was unfounded in the sense that she was paranoid about government tracking and socialist policies like forcing immunizations on the public. Her fear was very well founded in that she was concerned that our family was open to scrutiny and her fear of her children being taken away was the elephant in the room.
Once there, the doctor demanded that I be admitted to the hospital. I was laying on the table and still in and out of consciousness, but the verdict was clear: I needed immediate emergency care. My mom refused. Flat out refused it. She signed a paper that was required of her so that I did not have to go. The doctor proceeded to treat me and stated that if I was not better within 24 hours after treatment, that I would have to be admitted. I actually wasn't noticeable improved in 24 hours, so my mom lied to the doctor. Obviously, I did get better, but it took me 5 months, from January-May 1999 to make a recovery. I still can't run, to this day the scarring in my lungs is so significant that after running 1/4 mi. I nearly pass out. So I do other forms of exercise.
It took me forever to learn that I could trust again. God used the premature birth of our tiny son to bring social workers into our home and doctors and nurses into our lives to teach me and show me that they are truly one of the best gifts and resources that a family can have in a time of need. God has been so good to place the right people in my life and help to teach me that, "Love hopes all things, believes all things, love trusts all things. Love never fails." I am so thankful that after years of hard work and a resilient personality, I have persevered through the fiery trials and have learned once again to trust and know that this world is not something to fear. Its something instead to love.
Fear does not create a perfect love, rather, perfect love casts out fear.
