The Ranting of an Angry Girl

Today I am angry.
I think it’s that my semester is nearing its end, and I have a lot of projects that are due within the next two weeks that spearheaded this.
It has been a loaded and full semester of school for me, taking three core education classes along with two other requirements for a grand total of 15 hours. I have three night classes and two, day classes. I am gone a lot and more so in the last week as I have tried to wrap up my projects. My boys have begun baseball practices and so far I have only made it to one practice. I have only been to one Boy Scout troop activity. At least I was able to plan a holiday party and plan to be on their field trips since I missed those last year…
And its all for an education. Its for an education that should have been given to me, its an education that I begged for yet was refused because I was just a girl. It’s a necessary education. With the price of the dollar dropping and the rise of the oil barrels in the Middle East, economical factors are most definitely the driving force behind my emblazoned desire to complete this process. That and the fact that I know I was born to teach. And I am remotely close to pursuing legal action against my parents on the basis of educational neglect. Every lawyer I have ever spoken to has told me that this is a legitimate case, but I have never followed through with it because of how it would look (But not about what was right!).
Another reason I am angry.
They don’t want me to write.
I was told-demanded- to take my blog site down because it wasn’t “helpful” for my parents by my pastor…whom I also find out has been secretly discussing me behind my back with my parents…who have his ear and are filling his head with their typical wringing of the hands, we-made-mistakes-but-we-weren’t-really-all-that-bad-routine.

Nice. I am totally feeling the love.
There was an underlying issue. The denomination that I (was) as part of possesses a lot of money. I mean an ungodly, unhealthy amount of money and a very high percentage of movers and shakers in our society attend and support this quasi-Catholic denomination. But because I would not drop the fact that they were harboring known child abusers (who, I might add, are being amply paid in the neighborhood of six figures) this was reflecting poorly on the denomination. And they needed the problem to go away so that it didn’t affect them.
It had nothing to do with what was right. It had nothing to do with even ensuring that my parents were guided through repentance. It had to do with the highly controversial aspect of my life’s story and that by me writing about it…well, it would affect their job security.
These pastors send their kids to elitist private schools. They drive $50,000 vehicles. They live in ritzy pricey subdivisions. They go golfing. They own vacation homes along the Florida coastline. All in the name of the Gospel. And it is not the life that Jesus led. Wasn’t it Jesus who gave up everything for his people? For the sake of truth? Wasn’t it he that said it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven?
Those pastors are what he would call a den of thieves. And I want to go puke.
Well, this girl is done. And I mean d-o-h-n done. Done with abdicating my first amendment right for the sake of a denomination that has never done anything for me other than shove me out the door because my problems were too big to deal with. Done with the silence so that somebody can live a cush lifestyle and my parents don’t feel the heat. Done! Done! Done! And I am done caring about how what I say sounds to the ears of others.

Perhaps I had to get angry to re-ignite my passion for helping other girls. Perhaps this needed to happen so that I could turn my anger into positive action. Whatever the case, this girl is on fire to tell, to write, and where it needs to happen, offend for the sake of truth. I am not the only one whose life and future was being screwed with while my parents homeschooled me. I am not the only girl who was sexually abused and then kept at home to protect the perpetrator. I am not the only girl who was medically and educationally neglected. I am not the only girl who struggles with cutting. I am not the only girl who struggles with emotional eating. I am not the only girl whose PTSD diagnosis impacts her every day of her life. I am not the only one who has spent upwards of $1,000's in therapy costs and medications. I am not the only survivor of abuse and if other abuse survivors can blog...then I can too! And that is what I intend to do...and never, ever stop!
I am a truth-sayer. I am not going to tickle your ears. If you want that, go befriend a Pharisee. Or find another blogsite. Yes I will offend. But the truth needs to be spoken, no matter the cost.

I was born to write, I was born to teach…for such a time as this.
Solo deo Gloria.